Stories about Eastern Orthodox Christian people and experiences

In no particular order


How is your fish Father?

A group of monks, including Bishop Hilarion, were at a restaurant. All ordered fish, except for one monk who was not willing to follow the fasting canons, and ordered meat. He did this quietly, so that nobody would hear him (I guess he thought nobody would look at his plate!). During the meal, he started to gag on a large piece of steak. Vladyka looked at him and calmly asked, "What's the matter Father? Is your fish tough?". Nothing else was said about the meat, and I don't know if the wayward monk "got the message".


Bon Appetit!

Fr Joachim (from Mercy House, NY, NY) was walking along a path on the Holy Mountain, with another monk. A Father suddenly appeared, as if jumping out from the bushes. He was an ascetic, one who lived as an anchorite in an isolated Kellion, and usually depended on the kindness of other monks for his food. This is probably why he was by the road, since monks would bring food and leave it there for the mostly unseen ascetics who took it. He insisted on giving hospitality, and they all went to his Kellion. He lived in incredibly poor circumstances, in one room, with a dirt floor. In one corner was a stove, upon which some "mystery gruel" was cooking. The Father placed three bowls on a table, and three spoons. Then he bent down and picked up some dirt, putting some in each of the bowls, explaining to the fathers, "So that we will eat what our bodies need, but not enjoy it". Bon Appetit!


Delicious wine

A Monk renowned for his poor wine making skills was decanting some wine into a barrel for storage. The barrel started to leak at the bung hole. He took off his tee shirt, and stuffed it in the hole, stopping the leak. I will leave it to the canon lawyers as to whether this makes the wine an "animal product"!

Would you like my blessing?

A Hieromonk was exiting a restaurant in an American City when he noticed a certain Bishop with another priest, dressed in civies (business suit and tie), coming to enjoy a relaxing dinner. All were surprised to see each other. The Hieromonk greeted them: "Hello your grace. I suppose I should ask your blessing, but on the other hand, since I am dressed like this", (and he gestured to his riassa), "and you are in civilian clothes, perhaps you should get my blessing. Would you like to kiss my hand?". He held out his hand, and the two indignant pastors gave him a dirty look and stalked past him.

Kids, this stunt was done by a professional. Don't try this at home.

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St Nicholas Russian Orthodox Church, McKinney, Texas